Makato Shi-Shi-O: The Boy Within
by Traum
Summary: A look at what one of Kenshin's most hated enemies could've possibly been.


Makato Shi-Shi-O: The Boy Inside

Makato Shi-Shi-O: The Boy Inside

She was shivering in his arms, pressing her small body against his, wringing his torso with her arms as she seeked some desperate shelter."Shi-Shi-O-kun," she whispered softly, as he slowly wrapped his arms around her as well, and ran with her under the shelter of a nearby roof-edge.They giggled quietly, as all teenagers tend to do when they are happy and the weather around them is not.The rain came pouring down all around them, falling hard and forcing even the most determined vendors off the street.

Even though she no longer needed Shi-Shi-O's protection from the rain, Yuri clung onto his ragged and worn clothes with all her might.She could feel the beating of his heart with her ear, and she could sense his lustrous smile with her soul.Shi-Shi-O was more than content to hold Yuri in his arms, shielding her from harm, as he seemed to have done his whole life.Fifteen years he'd known her, since his birth, and for seemingly fifteen years, she had been dependant on him to be her knight in shining armor; a role he enjoyed very much.

"Yuri-chan," he whispered back to her, resting his chin on her soft hair, and closing his eyes, comfortable to the sound of the falling rain.His hands were clasped together behind her back, and even though the evening air was cold under the clouds of rain, he would never forget how warm his hands were at that moment in time.

The rain slowly faltered away, and the two of them headed back to their homes: Yuri, to her small house on the edge of Tokyo, where she was the polite daughter of an accountant for a rice company; Shi-Shi-O, to the training dojo in the heart of the city, where he was the shining star in a class where stars were a dime a dozen.

Before Shi-Shi-O and Yuri parted though, they clasped hands, and Shi-Shi-O looked deep into her eyes.He wanted to tell her just how different he felt inside when she was around, yet he could find no words to do so.She had a sudden urge to pull Shi-Shi-O close, and warn him just how deeply she cared for him, yet she was also at a loss for words.Suddenly though, their eyes spoke for them, and with the grace of the wind upon the skies, they kissed one another as gently as two people ever could.When it was over, Shi-Shi-O smiled, and Yuri beamed, then they set off away from each other, blushing red as could be.

* * *

"Again Shi-Shi-O!"

"Hai!"Shi-Shi-O was already drenched in sweat, cut and bruised from hours of training, and possessing a throbbing in his hands that would not go away, no matter how loosely he clutched his sword.

The small boy rushed after his sensei at full speed, attacking with as much power as he could muster; more than enough to kill any normal man, yet not enough to touch the leader of the dojo, who was renowned throughout Japan for his skill with the blade.The master was forced to quickly side-step his student's weapon, which barely fell off the mark, before again knocking the boy down with his wooden sword."Again, Shi-Shi-O!"

"HAI!"Shi-Shi-O screamed in anger off the ground.Within him, it seemed, burned the desire of a thousand dead samurai's, all of which wanted nothing more than to finally defeat Shi-Shi-O's master once and for all.Shi-Shi-O pulled himself off the ground, shook his head to clear it, and then once again rushed after his master, this time trying a different attack he had learnt just a few days before.

He came even closer with this next attack, yet still not close enough.Again he was knocked aside, and again his master shouted forcefully at him."Good Shi-Shi-O!There is no give in you, never lose that!"The small boy wanted to almost smile from the compliment, yet he had no time to, as the master yelled once more, "Again!"

They continued for many more minutes, till finally Shi-Shi-O's body was un-able to respond to the warrior's spirit that coursed through his veins.He lay on the ground, bloody, bruised, and sore beyond belief.Never before had he known such pain, yet somehow his hands were immune to it all.They were cramped and tender, yet while the rest of his body was burning with adrenaline and heat, they remained merely warm, like they had been under that rooftop the day before.

"Very good Shi-Shi-O-kun," the child's master said, motioning for some more students to help the younger boy off the ground."Keep this up, and one day you'll be one of the most powerful warrior's in Japan."

Shi-Shi-O fell asleep that night, in agony, with that very dream in his mind.

* * *

They ran through the grass as carefree as any could be, their laughs ran clear and loud through the thin and motionless air, and not a single doubt clouded their minds.

Six more months had passed since that first kiss, and there had been many more since then, as their feelings grew stronger with each fleeting day.And ever _since that first kiss, the feeling in Shi-Shi-O's hands had never left, almost as though the warmth inside them was a reminder of his care for Yuri.He never told her about the way his hands felt warm, but, somehow, he thought she already knew._

"Shi-Shi-O-kun, come over here!"She was standing on the edge of a grassy cliff, one that looked out on a small lake tingling with vibrant purples, greens and blues.All around the pond there was a grass richer than the most powerful politicians, and a sky hung overhead that was more beautiful than any creature of creation ever could be.

Shi-Shi-O joined Yuri on the cliff, and together they looked down on the emptiness of the lake, which seemed untouched by human hands.As he looked down on the pond, the warmth in Shi-Shi-O's hands seemed to increase, and he had a sudden longing to wrap Yuri in his arms once again, and look into her eyes.

Rather than trying to hold back on his temptation, he gave in, and with a quick movement, had swept the petite girl into his body, and stared long into her dark green eyes.She stared back into his own dark blue eyes, and quickly pulled her arm out, and then grabbed onto his hands with hers.She pushed herself into his chest, and they held hands for several moments before Shi-Shi-O lowered his head and leaned in to kiss her.

Before their lips could meet though, a cry came out from below them, at the foot of the hill leading to the cliff."Shi-Shi-O-Sama!"Shi-Shi-O jerked his head away, and Yuri slowly lowered hers, releasing his hands to save the boy any embarrassment in front of one of his friends.His hands remained warm, but he still urged to kiss her, even if one of his friends would see him do it.It soon became apparent he wouldn't have the chance though."Shi-Shi-O-Sama!"The voice rang out again, and Shi-Shi-O soon recognized it as a boy's from his dojo."Sensei wants to see you right away; he says it's important."

"Hai," Shi-Shi-O murmured in return, nodding towards his fellow student before looking back at Yuri, whose head had dropped, and whose smile had been replaced by a mute tone of anxiety."What's wrong?"Shi-Shi-O asked, pushing Yuri's chin up with his hand, so he could once again gaze into her eyes.

"Nothing…" she replied, failingly hiding the truth.

"What is it?Tell me, please."

"It's just… you spend so much time training your budo, it's almost as though you don't have any time to spend with me."

"Yuri-chan," he said, almost stammering, as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing."You know I care a great deal for you. It--it's just that I was born to be a warrior, there's nothing I can do about that."

"I know that… and I, understand," she replied, also stuttering slightly, a sudden lump in her throat clogging her words."But… but, can warrior's love, the way you love?"

Shi-Shi-O was stunned, almost like he had no idea what that word meant.He asked himself if indeed he loved Yuri, and even though he had many misgivings about it in his mind, his heart spoke true, and so did his hands."Hai," he whispered into her ear, as he again grabbed her hands, tilted towards her, and kissed her softly.

When their mouths parted, Yuri was again smiling; but her smile was weak, nearly forced.She whispered back, slowly, "Hai."

* * *

It turned out Shi-Shi-O's sensei had wanted to speak to him about the training dojo's succession technique, which the master thought Shi-Shi-O was ready to learn, even though he was only fifteen years of age.

After the sensei had explained the technique to him, and shown him a quick demonstration on a dummy, he gave Shi-Shi-O a couple of minutes to practice the attack before calling him over once again.

"Now," he said, "it's time for the real thing.Come out now!"

From behind a nearby building, walked a young man, perhaps 18, clothed in Samurai garb, and sporting an unsheathed sword.The young man stared at Shi-Shi-O as though he were a beast of some sort; the older boy's eyes were clamped wide, and his face was dripping with sweat."He, is to be your opponent."

"What?"Shi-Shi-O asked, astounded.

"The succession technique of our budo leaves nothing to chance, Shi-Shi-O.It either kills, or does not connect, that's all there is to it.Up until now, you have been able to practice without killing a man, but those days are over now.From this point on, it is survival of the fittest.Remember, the strong survive, the weak just die."

Shi-Shi-O was scared at his master's words, yet he had been taught them from the moment he had entered the dojo as an orphan.His hands were still warm, but the rest of his body shivered with a cold sweat, the very thought of finally coming face to face with the chance to kill a man overpowering the years of preparation he had faced."Do you understand, Shi-Shi-O-kun?"

"…Hai."

The sensei backed away, and left the two boys to fight in their duel.Shi-Shi-O wanted to finish the fight quickly by using his newfound succession technique, but his opponent would not give Shi-Shi-O the required opening.They played cat and mouse for several seconds, and even though the older boy was much more powerful than Shi-Shi-O, the young man seemed nervous and fidgety, as though every move Shi-Shi-O made could propose sudden death.By the time the first swing was cast, the older teenager's face was wrenched in agony, his breathing coming in short and sudden gasps.For a split second before the first move was made, Shi-Shi-O's eyes, and the boy's, locked, and Shi-Shi-O saw, for the first time, the depths of fear that he had pounded in the boy's soul.It seemed strange to Shi-Shi-O at that time, but he almost enjoyed that look, and as he witnessed it, his hands almost burned with pleasure.Makato Shi-Shi-O, a fifteen year old boy, struck.

It took him perhaps a second to kill the older boy, severing his head with a single swipe, and sending a shower of red onto the ground.The succession technique had proved useful.He looked at the boy's detached head, and saw with pleasure that the boy's eyes were still locked into that palatial level of fear.He stared for several moments into those eyes, and ingrained that look into his memory for his entire life.His hands were merely warm once again, and he breathed deeply as his master took Shi-Shi-O under his arm, and led him away."Very good Shi-Shi-O, you're a true Samurai."

That night, Shi-Shi-O fell into sleep dreaming of that look, and how warm his hands had been just as he had seen it.

* * *

Another six months had passed, and even Shi-Shi-O and Yuri could not escape the tidings of war in far off Kyoto.There was talk running rampant throughout the streets of westerners corrupting Japan, and an equal amount of talk of the current government corrupting the very same country.Still, as Shi-Shi-O walked amongst the streets, bearing the sword that he had kept after killing his first opponent, his heart was light, and the talk seemed like only that, talk, which could do no harm to a fully trained Samurai.

He was walking to meet with his love, his life, Yuri, who had been spending increasingly less and less time with Shi-Shi-O since the boy had mastered his succession technique, as his entire waking life was being devoted to Budo.The wind had been gusting all day, and it seemed to be picking up as he headed to meet Yuri.Even that could not put a damper on his heart though, as he had slowly realized that everything in his life was going as perfectly as he could hope for.

When he finally met up with her, near her house on the edge of town, he could almost instantly tell something was wrong.Her clothes were very dark and worn, unlike the usual brightly coloured garments she usually wore.Her back was turned to Shi-Shi-O, and he quickly rushed to his side, where he tapped her on her shoulder, and said loudly, "Hello!"

Yuri turned towards Shi-Shi-O, and instantly, his heart sunk.Her eyes were torn asunder, rings appearing beneath them, evidence of her constant tears."Shi-Shi-O-kun," she said lightly, her voice soft and weak.

"Yuri-chan," he almost gasped, grabbing her shoulders in alarm and looking deeply into her eyes, "what's wrong?"

Amazingly, almost forcefully, she slung Shi-Shi-O's hands off her shoulders, and she whispered weakly, "Something terrible has happened Shi-Shi-O."

Shi-Shi-O was almost speechless at this sudden display of apathy, but he managed to get out, "What is it, Yuri?"

"My father…" she began, choking on her own words and shutting her eyes to keep back the tears."My father, he's been called in to help protect the government in Kyoto.We have to move away in just a little while."

"Wh…wha…what?"Shi-Shi-O's words were stumbling, almost falling over themselves in his lack of understanding."What do you mean you have to, move away?"

"We're leaving, tomorrow, Shi-Shi-O, for Kyoto.I've tried to convince my dad to stay, but he says he can't, he says he owes it to the government."

"The… the government?"

"Hai," Yuri coughed, her tears suddenly overpowering her, and streaming down her face.This time, Shi-Shi-O didn't even make an attempt to hold her; he merely stared at her, his mouth hung open in disbelief.

He couldn't understand what was going on; he barely even heard a word she'd said after "move away".His mind was suddenly falling apart, screaming in confusion as to what was going on.As he had been taught to do when he was confused, he grabbed the hilt of his sword, and squeezed it as hard as he could.His hands were still warm, as they had been for the entire year since they'd kissed, but now they were a different kind of warm; a shearing, singing and terrible kind of warm.They were hot.

And it wasn't just his hands, his entire body felt like it was boiling over itself in bewilderment.He began trembling, much as Yuri was, though for very different reasons. "Why? Why?!?Why are you leaving me?"He suddenly began shouting, screaming at the top of his voice, at Yuri.

She opened her eyes slightly and wiped away enough tears to see just how angry he was becoming."I told you Shi-Shi-O-kun, I don't have a choice, my father… the government."

"The government…" he repeated again, mouthing her very tone."But why Yuri?Why now?I love you!You know I love you!"

"I know, Shi-Shi-O, I just, I just don't have a choice."

"But you're strong Yuri, I know you are.The strong always have a choice!"

"No, Shi-Shi-O-kun, the strong don't always get what they want.The strong one's who have swords, maybe, but not all the strong ones."Her voice was low.

"Sword?"Shi-Shi-O again mimed, clutching his weapon even tighter in his hand."Is this why?"He shouted again, pulling the sword from his belt and holding it in front of him, with both hands."Is this why you're leaving me?Because I'm a Samurai?"

He didn't even give her a chance to respond, he merely acted.The sword slipped from his hands, which remained in the air, and clamoured onto the ground, where it rested peacefully."I love you more than I love a sword, Yuri-chan."

His Love was quite taken aback, but she knew in her heart that he spoke only the truth."I know, Shi-Shi-O, but--but…" she whispered, stammering, before halting for a moment, grasping his hands in her own, and sighing, "I love you too."

Their hands stopped trembling in one another's for as long as they were held, and Shi-Shi-O was again overcome by the warmness that he felt in them, till they overrode the fear and confusion in his brain, and all he felt was the warmth in his hands.

Slowly, Yuri pulled her hands away from his, and, kneeling down, she picked up his sword, and placed it back in his open hands."I think you'll need this, my love, Makato Shi-Shi-O-kun."

She slowly walked away, a single tear running down Shi-Shi-O's cheek, and burning its way through his skin.The heat in his hands remained, even as he clamped his hand around the sword, and again put it at his side.He was suddenly reminded of the look of the young man whom he'd killed.The warmth in his hands increased, while the rest of him was left colder.He let that single tear finish its course.

* * *

Makato Shi-Shi-O, and the vision of that boy within him, had been in many strange places in the four years after Yuri had left him, but nowhere as strange as the forest floor that lonesome night.

He had not killed a man for several days, and he could feel the heat in his hands fading, as it tended to do when the smell of blood was not around him.He had long since determined that death, and the fear he created in those he killed, was a more than suitable replacement for Yuri's hands.Still, when he went without that warmth, he tended to get agitated, which often lead to useless murders, which even he hated to perform.

He sat down in the middle of the forest clearing, as he had been instructed to wait for the resistance's general, and he performed some quick meditation practices, that focused on bringing out the calmer side of him.In his trance, he tried to recall many things, but none of them worked as well as the memory of one rainy night five years past.By the time the general had come, he was well relaxed, and he could almost feel the returning warmth in his hands.

It didn't take Shi-Shi-O long to realize just what was going to happen to him, nor did he care.He had accepted his death for several years, ever since becoming the replacement Hitokiri for the Meiji Restoration group that was fighting in Kyoto.Still, he didn't expect his death to be that painful.

The bullets tore through him quicker than he had imagined, but gave less pain than he had envisioned as well, while the gasoline they poured on him smelt worse than anything he'd experienced in the past.The fire though, was something else entirely.It hurt, that he couldn't deny, but more than that, it heated his whole body, as though the heat in his hands had been passed on throughout his entire being.He let the fire burn him, he let the flames burn the blue colour out of his eyes, and he let the warmth reach a point no human could endure; and then he screamed.

Makato Shi-Shi-O recalled a word that had held some meaning for him a while ago, as he walked away in writhing agony.He could never say why he remembered that word at that time, but the warmth in his body, and in his hands, seemed to recall it for him."Government," he whispered, hoarsely."They, will burn too."

* * *

Shi-Shi-O looked down on everything he had lost in his fight with Himura Kenshin, and he felt like laughing.

There was his empire, the one that had never been created, and the one he had envisioned of bringing down the Meiji government with.There was his Ju Pon Gatana, which had been created as ten of the most deadly swords in Japan's history, only to fall to a bunch of brat's, and a man who had vowed to never kill again.There was his assistant, who was the closest person he had ever trusted after his heart had been so brutally shattered at the age of sixteen.There had been his fire's, which had always reminded him just what true affection was.

Then, there was Yumi.He had liked her, not like he had loved Yuri, but he _had truly liked her.When he was with her, the rest of him turned cooler, leaving his hands warm: that was the way he liked it the most.He had little misgivings about killing her though, he had often wondered what her touch would give him when combined with the look of fear that one got before dying.It proved to be less exciting than he'd hoped._

And as he flailed through the air, a victim of the Hitokiri Battousai's succession technique, he looked back and could vaguely recall someone telling him that he had turned from a boy into a man, into a Samurai.As he crashed into the ground however, he felt nothing like a Samurai; he felt like a boy, one who was frightened and dead.He realized that he was now that boy whose face he had carried around all those years.The boy inside had been turned loose, and he was terrified; he was dead.

Makato Shi-Shi-O screamed inside himself, and lost all feeling throughout his body, except for his hands, and his eyes, one of which was warm, and the other of which was viewing the look of a young woman whose eyes had looked into his, and caused his hands to burn with pleasure.

Makato Shi-Shi-O died a happy man, burned to death from the inside out.

* * *

Author's Note:At the time I was writing this, I was practically unable to find any other Shi-Shi-O fanfics, so I decided to give it a try.It may seem off base, but it does perhaps shed a bit of light on the subject.Also, so you know, I've never seen/read the final battle between Kenshin and Shi-Shi-O, so if some information is wrong, sorry. 


End file.
